Day 26 - 1-w1000-h1000

The moon sailed over a black and orange wind-picked sky as we slept in our tartan van at the top of the country. The sea in every direction around us.

Morning, and I bade farewell to the closed door of the miserable old sow, in her office, as we leave the campsite early. I imagined her there, downing her skalk: a morning constitutive whisky-for-breakfast tradition that a few of the hardiest Scots still uphold today, so I’ve been told.

There is an area even further north and west than John O’Groats that we decide to see before leaving. Duncansby Head.

We walk some of the long coastal path for some bracing air. We approach the local wildlife, falling for the irresistible urge say “hello” in a posh accent to the impassive faces of the horses and sheep that stand dumbly, looking at us in these fields.

And we gaze at the Ducansby Stacks: giant points of rock, like two dunce’s caps sunk in the sea.

And then we’re back on the road and, for the first time since Cornwall, heading back down southwards. Past lonely crags and through empty moors. Gloomily beautiful.

Day 26 - 1-w1000-h1000

“Scottish drivers are definitely worse than the English,” Passepartout tells me as another car cuts us up on the A99. “I don’t know why it is, but they are.”

And if anyone should be an expert on maniac drivers, it’ll be the Greek.

“Well it’s nice you have car parks here and we could have that walk on the cliffs back there,” she says. “If we were in Greece everyone would have just driven to the edge.

Greeks would take their car to bed with them if they could.”

As we carry on our sluggish way down, we’re overtaken by a red post van and I think again, like the school at John O’Groats, that there is real life here, it’s not just a place to gawp at remote beauty. And then the thought comes to me of Auden’s letters. Letters from uncles and aunts, to Scotland from the South of France, letters of condolence to Highlands and Lowlands, notes from overseas to the Hebrides…

We reach the small pleasant town of Brora. It’s known as ‘Electric City’ as it was the first place in Scotland to have electricity. It doesn’t really live up to this billing. A turreted old stone clock tower seems the most vital, animated thing here.

But as we crawl in it reveals itself to be very a peculiar place indeed.

It feels deserted, but in doorways along the town, resting jauntily against pillar boxes, caught in animation coming out of shops, everywhere, there are elaborately dressed wicker scarecrows.

I don’t know why.

Scarecrow policemen. Scarecrow lovers stare at each other on a park bench.

The weather has suddenly become unnaturally hot. Passepatout comments on how this is meant to be a miserable isle of weather – 9 months of winter and then 3 months bad weather?

I get out of the van barefoot, burning my soles on the paving stones.

“Do you nae have any shoes?” comes a barked hidden voice. Startled, I see two impossibly aged old ladies, sunken faces, sitting side by side on a bench hidden by dark trees.

In the bakery, as I look for macaroni pies, two identical twin girls in identical tartan skirts, the same red ribbons in their hair, stand bent at identical angles and glare at the buns, bannocks, Dundee cakes behind the breathed-on glass.

We leave Brora, its real and its wicker people, pretty quickly as strange thoughts of Summerisle come to my mind.


Inverness is spread out in the sun in front of us.

So here we are… in that hub of the Highlands I’d heard so much about. The place where people plan their nights out months inDay 26 - 2-w1000-h1000 advance, as I learnt from the men in Lochalsh.

It is a handsome town. Respectable and without many tourists, as far as I could see. Although the tartan shops down the high street seemed to be trying their hardest to appeal to them.

There’s a noble looking sturdy red granite cathedral.

“It looks like Notre Dame..!” says Passepartout, initially impressed. “But, you know…a bit less,” she tails off.

Outside the pubs in the streets very Scottish-looking men are smoking. Men with skin so white it’s almost translucent. Looking like one of those anatomical, see-through, maps of the human body.

I ask one youngish looking man, stood outside one pub, if it was an okay place to come in for a drink.

He drags on his cigarette, pointing his head upwards to let go a stream of smoke before righting it back down again to talk to us in that strange, deep, strangled voice of the recently inhaling smoker. Eyes slightly squinted.

“Naw,” he says. “Not really. Naw. Yous wanna try down there,” he nods towards a better looking place. “You don’t wanna really be coming in here. It’s a bit of a shithole to be fair.”

He flicks his cigarette end away high in the air and it rises with a cascade of sparks, arching back down like a falling red star. He turns back to go into the dark old smelling pub. As he walks in and chats to the locals, I work out, with a bit of a surprise, that he’s the owner of the pub.

We visit a good pub near the large red castle overlooking the River Ness and, at last, Passepartout – having talked of little else since we crossed the border – can have Scottish salmon.

My great-grandfather, who ended in Culzean Castle, had started his life here in Inverness, and I bother the pub staff every time I go up, telling them how, really, deep down, I was an Invernessian.

They politely feign interest.

Later, a little worse for wear perhaps, outside Inverness railway station  I vault over the railings of a stately war memorial to The Queen’s Own Highlanders.

Closely reading the names – swaying a little bit back and forth – of those who lost their lives in the battles of Egypt and Sudan.

I am pleased to spot my family name amongst the fallen brave soldiers of Inverness. But less happy to see the added note that he had died of disease on the way to battle rather than heroically in the heat of things.

I get the awful feeling of a hapless family history running unaltered down the years.

As I leap back over the railings again, my trousers get caught and I fall and am briefly left dangling upside down as maybe the only other tourists in the town, two Japanese girls, watchfully walk past me into the train station.


The Glenurquhart Road takes us out of Inverness. It is the same road, in the opposite direction, we took from Glasgow. The main road, the A82, that spines through Scotland, and the one we left days ago to head west to Skye.

Skye no more, Lochaber no more, Sutherland no more. Thinking of all those areas we’ve travelled through and have now left behind, a sadness grips me.

And Scotland, with its history of the Highland clearings where wealthy landowners brutally destroyed whole communities in the 18th and 19th Centuries – and then the economic depressions almost two hundred years later – has a sadness lying in it, hidden, beyond its obvious visual melancholy beauty.

Day 26-w1000-h1000

I liked Inverness a lot. But we leave safe in the knowledge, I suppose, that there will always be a part of my trousers left there. And anyway we have the appeal of Loch Ness in front of us. No point in mournful reflection now.

And there’s the usual parking the camper van for the night dilemma too.

Light starts dying almost as soon as we reach the long, gently agitated loch, so we find a secluded spot away from the road by the water and just simply park up. It seems so easy. A great, freeing life.

And the night, like a huge black animal hunkering on top of the water’s edge, sits quickly, clumsily, leaving nothing for us tonight anyway but cards inside under the lamp, and hearing the wind.